Silkroad Online Forums

I can't believe I'm doing this, but...

So, here's the thing.

I've been chatting with this person for quite some time now, through msn, skype and other communication ways, except real life. That person made me smile when I was down, and gave me advice what to do.

Let's call this person J.

J has seen me go through different people, and every time that got f***ed J would be there for me on msn.

Then I met someone, M1.

M1 made me smile, and when I met M1, I was sold. M1 openly expressed to me that I was beautiful, fun, cute and we were "something" quite fast. I slept at least twice a week at M1's place, and it was beatufiful.

I started something with M1 and told J that I was in love. J accepted that and kept talking to me.
M1 dumped me after three weeks because when I was drunk, I kissed M1's friends, and I was also a "completely different person" when I met an other friend, who was quite the same as me, a moaning and bitching little cunt. I found a new "friend" in him *yeah, NOT.*

I returned to J on MSN to be cheered up. Success.

One and a half week after M1, I had a date with M2. J was in England at that time for school, and we didn't speak a lot on MSN. M2 was quite quick in telling me I was fantastic and confessed his love to me.

2 weeks later, I met J in real life. That was Wednesday last week. My heart kept beating and I completely fell in love. Last Saturday we had the first "official" date and it was fantastic.

For so long, J made me happy and advised me where I needed.

M2 was so far out of sight to me. I kept in touch with M2, but Saturday morning was the last text, no further contact. Saturday afternoon with J was fantastic. Met J on Sunday again.

Sunday evening I received a text from M2, from the hospital. M2's ex told M2 he had a quite infectious and life threatening disease, and M2 was probably infected too.
M2 climbed on a bridge ready to jump. Passers stopped M2, and M2 was taken in to the Hospital.

When I heard that, I was shocked. I cried, but.....

I never told J about M2. I didn't hear anything from M2 for the past days, even sent a message but never received an answer. What I kept in my mind is that M2 told me that the Psychiatrist told him he couldn't be in a relationship for a long time.

I kept seeing J, and it just feels good.

Tonight I finally received a message from M2. He was told that I had found someone else.

I said yes. But that was before I knew that the person who told M2 I found someone else only knew about M2, not about J.

M2 is pissed, and asked me who the new person was. Haven't responded to that yet, but I told J through MSN that I wasn't really single on our first date.

Now M2 is pissed, and J is confused and needs to think.

I am so sick of hurting people. I have been a complete whore and a slut since the beginning of this year. I tried to make it work every time, but I kept cheating, changing for the worse and pushing them away.

2 people liked me and started to love me, and I have hurt them both.

All because of my selfishness and my desperate hate to loneliness.

How can I fix this?

*I tried to make this as less gay as possible.*

Umm, sounds like you're being a bit harsh on yourself. Although I'm kinda squeemish when it comes to guy on guy stuff, but I think in general, you're not really "involved" with someone unless you're going steady. First dates don't really count I think. Especially since it's just a 1 date...

Considering you went out on several occasions with J, (is this Jstar1? lulz jk) [or not].
anyways back on topic...

Since you went out on several occasions with J, and only once with M2. I hardly think that counts.

Unless you're leaving out some other detail.

Dep on how "far" you got with M2, I would suggest a check for the same disease within the month. Just saying.

Kinda hard to say if you're really a little man-whore. If you're already going steady with someone and decide to mess around, then yes. If you only went on preliminary dates with someone, I wouldn't really consider it to be that serious.

From some friends experience and some of my own ...

It seems that everytime someone tries to lie to fix a problem , The problem becomes bigger and harder to solve while it could have been solved with a little truth even if it hurts it won't hurt as much as finding out that someone lied at you and you won't trust that one again .

You can tell M2 that J is an old friend ( a good one ) and that you know J before you knew M2 and that you were hanging out together a bit as he just came to town and that you found nothing personal in that ( not sure if J lives in your town or not from your post ) .

You may need to tell J the whole story about what happened .


Edit : Btw All my posts in this topic were considering Doron as a she , but wonder wonder , it seems she is a HE .

and tell j to get tested...

Saw Doron's name.
Read first line.

Guessing it's not worth reading.

She is not that fast .....(Probably) .

Since December, I've had 4 "relationships"
Nr 1 dumped me for Christianity after three weeks (over on: December 30.)
Nr 2 dumped me for kissing someone else, one and a half week. (first date: January 5th. over: January 18th)
Nr 3 is M1, (first date: Feb. 9th, over: march 7th)
Nr 4 is M2, (first date: March 22nd, over: April 13th)
Yeah okay the times in the first post aren't that accurate, I just looked everything up.
Met J online in the beginning of February.

In between, (and during) I've had together 12 others.

I'm a man-whore.

Had an STD test last Wednesday too. Recieved the result, today. I have something. Won't go into details and I don't know where specifically it is yet but I need antibiotics.

There are 16 possible suspects.
Of course J has to be tested.

I just hate being alone.

But I don't want to hurt people anymore any more than I have already done. I thought I could put my feelings aside but I just can't. I'm not the bitch people take me for.

Just tell the truth?

I really like J and I hope he will forgive me....

When that happens I'll just tell him everything.

No more lies. No more hurt.

It can't go on like this. I want to stay with him.

I don't know if I wanted to post something funny, serious, flabbergasted, or any other range of feeling. Thus, I decided to post this.

Also, I don't even......
is right.

Well first of all I can't believe I read all of that.

Secondly you will have to make up your mind who is more important and hope for the best. Also like someone else said if it's a STD get tested. You seem to like J, if you are sure about him then open up to him and apologize for not being honest about M2. Hopefully he will like you enough to forgive you.

Also if you need someone to talk with you can always pm me.

you remind me of snooki

heh, qft

Dang bro thats crazy .

Well what i would say to do is that you should stay with J and try to make it work .

Somebody has a vivid imagination to be able to come up with names right off the top of their head as complex as "J" and "M1" "M2".. I didn't read the whole thing, but it seemed like you were Farking BMWs and "J"aguar got left on the sidelines. Some where in there I'm sure a Subaru "STD" was passed.

I dont really most much on here and I didn't bother reading others replies.

My personal opinion would to be not to bother with M2.
He's obviously got psychological problems which are dangerous depending on the person's mental state and what you have described isn't very good. This would probable just lead to more relationship problems than you really need. I wouldn't even bother talking to M2 and more because if J gets a hold of your phone some day and see's M2 things could be worse or over for good.

J is probably your best bet.

need more alcohol and fake tans imo.

The unnecessary drama is there though.

Sounds like you farked up. You cheated on M1 and then cheated on M2 and continued to even when you found out he was sick/dying/whatever.

By doing this you also probably hurt J (but if you talked to him as much as you said he should know that you cheat on people etc, so really it's his own fault for seeing you).

Sounds like you're incredibly dependent on others and crave attention..

You can't fix this. You hurt lots of people and were insanely careless about your health and the health of others. Apologize, tell m2 or whoever you're sorry for cheating on them and hope J forgives you and can accept you as a changed person.

But are you a changed person? I doubt it. People rarely change..I'm sure J knows this.

my avatar

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Tell J how you really feel, and get a psychologist (not a psychiatrist) to see why you are so obsessed with sex. The next STD you get might not be treatable with antibiotics.

Woah, woah... at first, I seriously took it as a freaking joke while reading almost the whole thing. Until I saw the feedback... are you serious?!

After reading it carefully, you don't worth being called a human (or even that). -.-



1 suggestion: Do what M2 did, except don't let any passer stop you.
(Real o Fake, I really mean it.)

Doron Doron Doron... If we can tell this just by the post you do on these forums, I'm sure the people in your everyday life can see right through you. =/ You gotta get some help broseph! Gay or not you have some deep seeded emotional problems... I didn't read the OP but I'm sure its like much of the other stuff you post to get attention and such. I love ya like a gay son in law that lives in my basement, but its not healthy. SRF intervention? (speaking of... where is silo?)

are you a guy?
im confused...

This "J" Seems like quite the guy, it sounds like he's liked you since the start, also, M2 has some issues, being jealous, and he needs to get over himself, i don't think there is a way out of this, other than to move on, and forget, and hope he forgives, Tell J how you feel, and hopefully it all works out, GOOD LUCK TO YOU SIR!

Just be honest.

you have chlamydia

LOL I don't think that's a good idea

Well, I'm going completely emo atm. Smoking like a chimney and eating like a pig. Totally McOD'd just an hour ago.

Carbecidal.