We can thank Nazi German for what is known today as “Rave Parties” or as it is called in street talk “Acid Parades”. The Nazis were known for holding secret events, where they doped themselves up on heroin drugs and smoke meth rocks until all hours of the night, while banging on drums to put themselves into a state of enraged ecstasy. These drum beats (now known as bpm loops) where transformed into what modern day electronic house music sounds like and this is the same type of beat today’s candy hippies dance to while they shove pills of ecstasy drugs up their rectums and suck on cherry flavored ring pops.
Raves first became famous in Russia and moved over to England in the 1980′s where the term “Acid Parties” started. These parties were drug infested sex orgies, full of pre-martial sin docking, multiple and same sexed closet make out sessions and enough acid to send a gorilla on a trip down the Dorthy’s yellow brick road, while holding hands with Captain Crunch and rainbow colored vampire midgets. These phase in UK history is also known as the “Abortion Plague”, as the rate of abortions shot up to 74% in girls from the ages of 14 to 19.
Raves didn’t start becoming popular in the States until the late 1990′s when a new style of music called “Happy Hardcore” was created. The new style of music was louder and faster than any other trance music heard in the UK. Rave DJs (Drug Jockeys) knew the American’s loved more of a “pop” sound and developed this music to entice American’s to come to their hidden desert parties and get them hooked on the newly developed drug MDMA, also know as ecstasy or “The fuzzy sex pill”. The first popular Happy Hardcore song in American was called “Groove is in the Heart” by a Los Angeles band named “Deee-Lite”.
The band was created by New York born Kierin Magenta Kirby or also known by her rave name “Lady Miss Kier”. Lady Kier was a Gogo dancer in New York and wanted to start making her own music. She moved out to LA where she met a “beat maker” and started to create electro tunes. They named the band “Deee-Lite” meaning the “D” for drugs “eee” for all the “e” or ecstasy they did and the “lite” comes from the fact that they liked to “litely” lace their drugs with acid.
Now back to the drugs.
This new drug was so powerful that it could take the average business and turn them into a bead wearing, lollipop sucking, Elmo backpack carrying sex-a-holic within 35 to 45 minutes. This drug would make ones eyes the size of a Japanese Anime character and would turn them into a raging sex craver. The amount of stranger sex due to this drug is unmeasurable and has been rumored that a male could be driven to having 12 to 17 sex partners in one night.
The DJs were also smart and gave friendly names to the different types of ecstasy you could buy. If you wanted to have more of a body drug experience you could buy the “Tweety-bird” or the “Candy Carpet”. If you wanted to be plastered beyond recognition, you could grab a nice bag of “Devils Ferrari” or “Double Dipped Danger Flakes”. The DJs wre smart with their marketing terms as they also knew a parent would have no idea if their son or daughter was on the phone talking about “Candy flipped Saki Bombs” or “Rainbow Kissed Sugar Drops”.
With all cultures there are subcultures and the rave scene is no stranger to different breeds. I have broken down the most famous raver clans known to the world.
Candy Kids
A candy kid is a person who likes to wear bright clothing, love beads and drench their bodies full of liquid ecstasy and fill their blood with sugar. You can always spot a candy kid by the multiple ring pops on their hands.
Each candy kid collects beads, these beads are signs of how many bi-sexual sex orgies they have been apart of. It is almost like medals won on the sexual dance floor of STDs.
A candy kid is also know for their “glow stick” skills and often battle with other candy kids to see who can do the better light show dance. Most battles are for drugs or to win a sex session with the other crews females.
This group of raver also has the largest homosexual population and are no strangers to sin snake to rectum entry sex parties and their female clan members all have partaking in fish cave worshiping.
There method of drug use is what is called the “Rear High”, where the take female cleaning product bags, fill them with water and drugs and then have their funs stick the nozzle up their sewer hole and squeeze Satan’s liquid love sauce up their bums to get a faster and more exciting high.
Jungle Lists
This is the violent clan of the bunch, with their afro-angry drum beats and zulu dance moves. Mostly made up of “Yellows” and blacks, Jungle Lists goto these parties to stir up trouble, cause fights and rob other ravers. This should not be a surprise as we know communist Asians and blacks due the same thing in American society.
A Jungle List is known for liking what is called “Drummed and Base” music and are known for their pot and meth addictions. The term “Drummed and Base” comes from the fact that they like fast African style “tripped pops” music and smoke meth or “basing” while dancing like angry silver-back gorillas.
Each Jungle List group has a leader, also known as a “Rudeboy” or “Bom Bom Cloud”. The leader gets to pick which rave party the crew with go to and what type of dance battles they will perform.
PLUR Babies
The term PLUR means “Peace Love Unity and Respect” but this actually means “Penis Labia Urine and Rectums” and it is their jumpsuit army battle cry. The PLUR Babies clan is that of rich suburban white kids who hide their homosexual activities from their parents and live it up at local raver gay bars.
PLUR Babies can be picked out in a crowd by their visors and soccer shirts. This group is known for their in ability to do good rave dancing and usually just go to the parties to get a quick rape session in or looking to perform mouth sex acts on another man’s Satan scepter. This group also has the highest ranking of STD carriers.
This group is only welcomed into the rave community because they are usually the ones selling the drugs. Just like all things gay, the PLUR Babies are their to distribute Satan’s body to the masses.
How to tell if your kid is a raver:
That was funny shit.
