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A Close Call for France

Yesterday I finished a super tense game of Civilization 5.

I was playing as the French and trying for the 'One to Rule Them All' achievement where you need to win the game with only one city. Specifically I was going for the Cultural Victory, which involves building as many Wonders as humanly possible and then filling them with artworks, generated by your Great Artists/Musicians/Writers. Ultimately this leads to a very high amount of tourism and influence over the other Civilizations, so all of their people wear my blue jeans and listen to my pop music.

Unfortunately going for the cultural victory leaves you a bit on the weak side when it comes to military force. I had remained peaceful throughout the early phases of the game and there weren't a lot of Barbarians in my area so I had no reason to make a military force.

"Well...", thought Boudicca of the Celts, "I think it's about time we end this little peace act and kick some French butt".

So she declared war.

At this point in time I have one swordsman, an archer and a scout and Boudicca is entering my territory from the west with 4 swordsmen and 3 more catapults behind them.

Now this is where it gets interesting. See... I probably spawned on the most godly piece of land on the entire map. Not only am I surrounded by 3 city states, but I also have a ton of luxury resources in my direct vicinity which make me an economic super power. And that's not all... I'm also placed right next to the most perfect mountain range you could think of, creating a wonderful chokepoint for combat.

I use my disposable income to spawn another swordsman and archer and plug the holes in my defense, so she has no way of entering anymore. In the meantime my scout pokes their catapults from behind, causing surprisingly high damage. Pretty quickly Boudicca's men are forced to run with their tails between their legs and peace is declared with the Celts.

Years go by peacefully, and Boudicca and I even become best buddies. Sure... there were a few points of disagreement. My religion of Pastafarianism clashed with their Catholicism so there was some religious tension, but overall nothing major. We set up a strong trade relationship between our nations.

Over the course of the years however a new thorn in my side appeared.
Maria I of Portugal's score had pulled heavily ahead, taking the lead over mine by more than a hundred points.
Her nation was vast and densely populated. My singular city couldn't keep up with that sort of production. To top it off, it appeared she was going for the Cultural Victory as well.

I tried looking if she had any enemies, but the only one that wanted to fight her was Alexander of Greece. Alexander is always up for war it seems... He hates everybody and everybody hates Alexander. He'll wage war no matter how puny his own empire is.
Far from the best candidate for an ally, but I couldn't let Portugal stay ahead for long. I declared friendship with Greece and denounced the Portuguese.

...not a good move.

Every Civilization on the planet denounces me, except for the Celts and Greeks.

My betrayal triggered a World War, with me at its epicenter.

My allied City States get terrorized, but a lot of them are oceans across. I can't do anything about it. I only have one city after all and it's not at sea.

From my north and east come Chinese forces. They start invading Buenos Aires. That I can't let happen no matter what. It's one of the City States in my direct vicinity and I will absolutely not tolerate anybody laying their hands on it.

Goodbye expendable income and hello Gatling Guns, Musketeers and Cannons.
I sent all my forces towards Buenos Aires, but they arrived a turn too late, and the city was captured by the Chinese invaders.

for the next 20 turns or so it's a total war of attrition. China had more and superior forces and the captured Buenos Aires was now also shooting at me. I was just barely holding on thanks to my superior economy.

Ellipse starts playing for the first time ever, signaling that I'm in deep...



But I get a stroke of luck. I collect enough Culture points to choose a new Social Policy. And as luck would have it I have access to a policy which instantly grants me a decrease in troop maintenance costs and an army of 6 extra units, all with roughly double the strength of my current troops.

My new troops are sent to the frontline and slowly start edging their way through. I push the Chinese invaders back and plunder their areas, damaging their economy and healing my own men in the process. On the other end of the front I siege Buenos Aires. It isn't too long before victory is attained and the people of Buenos Aires are freed of their tyrannical captors. The Chinese pulls back and request a Peace Treaty, which I accept of course.
I am of the civilized French after all. I don't wage wars... I fight with Culture.

The other countries also decide it's time to lay their weapons down and so for a while there appears to be peace...

Alas, the Chinese seem to not have had enough yet. My Spies uncovers that they have launched a sneak attack against me and as I look there's a new modernized army waiting at my borders.

I denounce China immediately and trigger the inevitable World War II.

My allied City States are under attack once more, but this time they're holding out well. I send a spare cannon where I can to aid them against the Aztec navy.

Though China's military is still more advanced than mine, the previously attained friendly territory of Buenos Aires gives me a positional edge. Without too much issue I managed to push their troops back. But China still isn't budging... They say they still have matters to take care of with me and it seems the only way to make them submit is by taking their territory.
This is not good for me, since I will lose out my chance to get that achievement I was going for all this time.

Now this is a sour moment... I look up whether taking cities as puppets will impact my chance of getting the achievement or not. I discovered that in order to actually be eligible for the achievement I had to have turned on 'One City Challenge' in the advanced settings during the creation of the game (╯ಠ益ಠ)╯彡┻━┻
A bit of a letdown there, but good news regardless, because China was really due for some punishing and I had nothing to lose anymore.

I went in to try and conquer the city of Guangzhou. China used their last trump card and sent in the bomber aircraft to rain down on my troops. It slows me down, but it's not enough anymore.

Ellipse starts playing again.

Guangzhou is conquered.
I made a puppet city out of it, as I wanted to carry on in the spirit of the game. This way I wouldn't be in direct control of it and the unhappiness from the takeover would remain minimal.

China still wasn't budging. It seemed my only option was to keep pushing on. I upgraded my Cannons to Artillery, allowing me to shell their cities from further away than they could shoot back. Pushing forward was a cakewalk from here on and it wasn't long before I was knocking on the doors of Beijing. The Capitol fell in only 3 turns.

I was hoping I could gift away the city immediately... Reckoned Buenos Aires would like have the head of their former captors, but unfortunately the game's limitations didn't allow such a move, so I made another puppet out of it.

By the year 2027AD the Chinese threat had been silenced and a peace treaty was signed, bringing an end to World War II. Their Capitol was now property of the civilized French.
Railroads were still a mystery in this era, though bomber aircraft had become a thing in recent years.
Everything was normal and life was good once more.

I sent out my workers to patch up the areas surrounding my new puppets and made them build Chateaux where possible in order to boost the cultural output of the tiles.

The game mostly progressed peacefully from here on.
I focused on the politics of the game and coming out ahead during World Congresses. towards the end of the game I had a small lead by approximately ~80 points.

Then suddenly out of absolutely nowhere, in the last 5 remaining turns of the game, the Celts start shelling the living daylight out of the Greeks. The two great wars had rendered them very weak simply because everybody hates them and wants to wipe them out, but their defenses were severely outdated too.
The Celts surrounded the Greece' last standing city, leaving them on the brink of extinction.

I sent Alexander the entirety of my income, 442 Gold Per Turn to be precise, in the hopes he could just buy his way out of the situation with more military units.

Alas, it was not enough. During the final turn progression the Celts destroyed and annexed the last standing Greek city.

Boudicca's score skyrocketed instantly and the game ended.

The final score was:
Celts: 1850
France: 1853
SO F*CKING CLOSE. HOLY SHIT O____O.