The other day I woke up early and saw a man in a uniform putting something through my door, so I ghost-walked down to the letterbox and found an envelope there.
God, I was scared - it had my name and address on it, but I'd never seen that man before so I know I hadn't given him my details...
Then it hit me.
'ZOMG HAXXORZ!!!!1' I thought.
I realised I might have picked up a trojan when I opened the envelope, so I quickly punched myself in the face a few times to see if I could reset myself but it wouldn't seem to work.
I spent the rest of the day suspended from my ceiling just in case they'd installed a keylogger in my feet. Bastards.
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