Silkroad Online Forums

so this essay is suppose to be around 10-13+ sentence long. I need help in correcting grammer,spelling,punctuations and re-wording some sentences if it is needed. I chose to do my essay on Home food vs Eating out.



Cooking at home rather than eating out can be beneficial to you in many ways.
One of the most important reasons why you should eat at home is because you can develop a stronger relationship with your family. Now anyone could build a strong relationship with their family while eating out, but you don’t have the privacy of your home which limits your ability to exchange feelings to one another. Because my family loves my cooking, I enjoy eating at home. Furthermore, eating in with your family would also bring wonderful memories with you to relieve stress at work the next day. Another reason why I enjoy home food more is because it will benefit you more financially. Looking at the price of restaurant meals would cause one to think about the amount of people they could have fed with the same amount of money because of the expensive price tag. Lastly, when it comes to picking home foods or restaurant foods, health plays a big role in it. Calories and fats in restaurant meals are already well over half of what you should consume daily, so imagine consuming three of those restaurant meals each day. When health comes into play, eating at home is the better option because you have more control over what ingredients are put into your foods. In general eating in your house is a reasonable choice because you want to improve your relationship with your family, your health, or maybe just because you want to save your money.

I bolded the parts I changed, hope it helps.

What are you writing this for? Is this for high school, college, middle School?


However, I'll take it as a high school essay and expand on that lol

Cooking at home rather than eating out can be beneficial to you in many ways.
One of the most important reasons why you should eat at home is because you can develop a stronger relationship with your family. Now anyone could build a strong relationship with their family while eating out, but you don’t have the privacy of your home which limits your ability to exchange feelings to one another. Because my family loves my cooking, I enjoy eating at home.

*You don't need the beginning sentence on its own. It's the beginning of the paragraph, so keep it with the paragraph.

*The second red sentence indicates a dangling modifier. The way you have written it is confusing and makes it seem that being in the privacy of your own home limits your ability to exchange feelings with one another. Rewrite this segment to make what you're saying more clear.

*You also made the mistake of including yourself in this. You want to leave out "me, I, myself" as much as possible. You're writing this to persuade your audience that eating at home is more beneficial than eating out. If you include "I..." then it just seems anecdotal more than a persuasive piece.

Furthermore, eating in with your family would also bring wonderful memories with you to relieve stress at work the next day. Another reason why I enjoy home food more is because it will benefit you more financially.

*Here you can confused the subject of the sentence, and have another dangling modifier. You first say "I enjoy..." then go on to say "it will benefit you more." The benefit is for your audience, not for yourself.

Looking at the price of restaurant meals would cause one to think about the amount of people they could have fed with the same amount of money because of the expensive price tag.

*Here you can reword the entire sentence or remove the "because of the expensive price tag" segment because the expensive price is implied by the previous statement.

Lastly, when it comes to picking home foods or restaurant foods, health plays a big role in it.

*Here you can leave out the "in it" segment because it is redundant. You have already mentioned what health would play a role in, you don't really need to place it again in the same sentence. Also, leave out the "lastly" it just makes for a bad transition

Calories and fats in restaurant meals are already well over half of what you should consume daily, so imagine consuming three of those restaurant meals each day. When health comes into play, eating at home is the better option because you have more control over what ingredients are put into your foods.

*Need to work on this sentence a bit. It would probably fit nicer into the structure of the essay if you just made the first red colored sentence its own sentence, instead of tagging it onto another with a comma. Also, the point of this would fit nicer if you changed "foods" with "meals." When you put "foods" it makes it seem as if one is about to put ingredients into a carrot, or bread, when you are actually talking about composing entire meals. It would create less confusion changing it to "meals."

In general eating in your house is a reasonable choice because you want to improve your relationship with your family, your health, or maybe just because you want to save your money.

*You can get rid of the transition "in general" because it is not needed. By its wording, your audience will be capable of telling that this is your concluding sentence. Also, get rid of the "because." You're concluding your paragraph, not continuing on with your support. You simply just want to restate the gist what you have previously stated and supported without actually supporting it all over again.

LOL

thank for your time. you do help me a lot in improving my writing skills.

[quote="_Scarlett_"][/quote]
do my homework 2 plys

anybody got video editing skills? and script making skills (as in the strips of movies), i'd be glad if someone could do my shit : D