I'm not one to post about my personal life on the internet but I am in a situation where I don't have enough life experience to figure out what o do. It goes like this, two months back I met this girl and we began to talk a lot, I even took her out a couple of times. But lately in the last month she began to act weird, she began texting her Ex again, I saw cuts on her arms and she even tried avoiding me for about a week or two. I still like her because shes a great person and I already developed feelings for her but yesterday I found something out I shouldn't know. I became good friends with her best friend and she told me that she didn't want to see me suffer like I am right now waiting for something, but she told me that she just found out that she is pregnant from her Ex-Boyfriend.
What do I do? I like the girl but leaving her now because of this could make her emotionally unstable. Do I confront her and tell her I know? Do I let her go back to her old BF? Should i date someone who's pregnant, or would that be a huge irresponsible act for someone my age who's about to go to college?
Please help anyone with life experience =/
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woutR wrote:
Squirt, you're a genius when it comes to raping women.
Even though Warspawn wasn't being to serious, he is kind of right.
You should at least confront her with it (it's bad already that she did not tell you anything about it yet). You should probably let her slide, it doesn't seem like she is as attached to you as you are to her and she's pregnant from her ex too... Going on with her would be a huge burden on you, emotionally as well.
Idk man. Maybe running away or instantly breaking all contact would be too harsh, but maybe you can friendzone her instead of being after a relationship? I mean you obviously care for this girl, and you would obviously feel really bad avoiding her, so perhaps you could be there for her as a friend, just not her boyfriend?
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..:: I fall asleep in my bed and wake up in your dream ::.. Conquer Online - 120 Warrior
"If your head tells you one thing and your heart tells you the other, before you choose what to do, decide first whether you have a better head or a better heart
She's your friend, right? I don't know how it's like where you live, but in my country, mates have each others back through thick and thin. A mate is in a fight? You roll up your sleeves and join right in. A friend is in some money problems? You open your wallet and lend a hand. So when a friend is pregnant you don't run away like a little bitch, you stop thinking with your dick and you support them. If you think this is hard for you than think for a second how hard this is for her. She's pregnant with the baby of her Ex boyfriend, she's obviously going through a lot of turmoil to justify cutting herself and the last thing she needs is her friends ditch her because they won't be able to date her.
She told you what to do: stop waiting. She knows you like her and she doesn't care. She just wants to be your friend and by the sounds of things your just not quite happy with that. Learn to be this girls friend, not her lover. Support her, help her out and be the rock she needs while going through what will be the most dramatic event of her life so far. Be a flippin' man, seriously.
lol, warspawn summed it up excellently. you've known her a couple of months, it's a crush, you'll get over it. there's other girls out there that aren't pregnant with their ex-boyfriends child.
friend-zone it if you want, if you're not happy with it duck out entirely. even if it means you aren't "a man" to some people on silkroad forums. you have to look out for yourself first.
She's your friend, right? I don't know how it's like where you live, but in my country, mates have each others back through thick and thin. A mate is in a fight? You roll up your sleeves and join right in. A friend is in some money problems? You open your wallet and lend a hand. So when a friend is pregnant you don't run away like a little bitch, you stop thinking with your dick and you support them. If you think this is hard for you than think for a second how hard this is for her. She's pregnant with the baby of her Ex boyfriend, she's obviously going through a lot of turmoil to justify cutting herself and the last thing she needs is her friends ditch her because they won't be able to date her.
She told you what to do: stop waiting. She knows you like her and she doesn't care. She just wants to be your friend and by the sounds of things your just not quite happy with that. Learn to be this girls friend, not her lover. Support her, help her out and be the rock she needs while going through what will be the most dramatic event of her life so far. Be a flippin' man, seriously.
Pretty much this, you gotta put your dick a side for a bit and just be there to support her and be her friend later on once things settle down if a relationship with her is still in the picture and you both want it go for it.
First thing you need to think of, is your future. Actual best outcome for this situation is generated by abortion, it sounds like you both have a lot of growing up to do before you can properly take on such a responsibility.
It also sounds like you got cheated on, for most, that is of importance and would react with some sort of ill desires for said person.
Actually nvm, just read you only took her out and were fond of her.
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Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken.
What do I do? I like the girl but leaving her now because of this could make her emotionally unstable. Do I confront her and tell her I know? Do I let her go back to her old BF? Should i date someone who's pregnant, or would that be a huge irresponsible act for someone my age who's about to go to college?
Please help anyone with life experience =/
If this is a viable option, let it happen. You've only known her for 2 months and this whole situation doesn't lend itself to helping your future. You are young, she is young, the baby isn't yours, you are probably lusting for her... It's just an all around bad situation for you. Get out if you can.
If she is emotionally unstable and her old BF won't step up to take responsibility for the baby and her well being... you've got a major can of worms that I would still recommend doing everything in your power to get out of.
Don't let your hormones cloud your judgement. Been there, done that, it's amazing the stupid decisions "love" and lust will make you do...
Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 6735 Location: Love the way you are.
Spoiler!
Hijo, me decepcionas. A lo mejor entenderas lo que digo aqui en espaniol. Si te gusta la chica, a pesar de estar embarazada de otro pues, simplemente se su amigo. No se porque le das tantas vueltas, deberias tratarla mas como una amiga, a como una persona con quien quieres estar. Desecha esa posibilidad. Por ahora, la pobre chica esta en shock con esto del embarazo, quien sabe, tal vez tenga planes para volver con su ex, y si eso te afecta habiendola conocido solo 2 meses... necesitas mucho por aprender.
Lo que yo haria es, tratar de olvidar esos sentimientos hacia ella y tratarla mas como una amiga porque ella esta pasando por una etapa en donde no muchos la pasan alegre. El resto te lo dejo a ti.
Hijo, me decepcionas. A lo mejor entenderas lo que digo aqui en espaniol. Si te gusta la chica, a pesar de estar embarazada de otro pues, simplemente se su amigo. No se porque le das tantas vueltas, deberias tratarla mas como una amiga, a como una persona con quien quieres estar. Desecha esa posibilidad. Por ahora, la pobre chica esta en shock con esto del embarazo, quien sabe, tal vez tenga planes para volver con su ex, y si eso te afecta habiendola conocido solo 2 meses... necesitas mucho por aprender.
Lo que yo haria es, tratar de olvidar esos sentimientos hacia ella y tratarla mas como una amiga porque ella esta pasando por una etapa en donde no muchos la pasan alegre. El resto te lo dejo a ti.
I'm on English lazy mode lol
Talking the espaniol (lol), like a badass.
OT: You've barely known her for two months, I wouldn't want a friendship after trying to go for something more than that. It doesn't really matter what you do, as long as it doesn't involve trying to get into a relationship with her.
What do I do? I like the girl but leaving her now because of this could make her emotionally unstable. Do I confront her and tell her I know? Do I let her go back to her old BF? Should i date someone who's pregnant, or would that be a huge irresponsible act for someone my age who's about to go to college?
Please help anyone with life experience =/
Had a similar thing happen to me. First off look at everything once over..
She's bringing a child into the world that isn't yours, at the age of 18(??). She knows about the child, and hasn't told you. You found out by other means. She could be worried about hurting your feelings, she might not care at all. I'm not sure why you're worried about the girl being emotionally unstable. She's pregnant and cutting herself. Do yourself a favor and be the perceived asshole. Rid yourself of the situation before things get way more farked than they already are.
Yes, being a nice guy is generally the right thing to do, but you are making it harder for yourself. You didn't (im guessing) want any of this and it's not your fault at all. No one can reasonably blame you for leaving the situation out right. Besides, if you started to date her and things turned out for the worse (which generally happens with young people..) it will only get harder to leave her and make you feel more guilty, when in reality you should feel no guilt.
I'm all for feeling bad for people, sympathizing/empathizing, and just being nice overall..but consider this. You said you saw cuts on her arms and she avoided you for 1-2 weeks at a time. Do you need/want that worry in your life? At what point should you stop being the nice guy and start thinking about yourself?
What do I do? I like the girl but leaving her now because of this could make her emotionally unstable. Pretty sure she's already emotionally unstable. Do I confront her and tell her I know? No. If she wanted you to know she would've told you. Do I let her go back to her old BF? Not like you really have a choice in this. It's his kid. The choice is entirely hers. Should i date someone who's pregnant, or would that be a huge irresponsible act for someone my age who's about to go to college? Only if you're really, really, really, serious about this girl. You better be damn sure too.
This girl has a lot of baggage. One of the best thing a guy can do for himself when he's trying to find a lady is to find one that has her shit together. This one doesn't. As a matter of fact you are the least of her worries....You're not that important to her right now...That's why she's been texting the ex and chose to leave you in the dark about something so important like her pregnancy. What you thought you had with her obviously wasn't serious from her perspective.
This is a perfect opportunity to bail...let her know how you feel before you do...Let her know that it's obvious she's not in love with you...and that's the truth. And don't worry about her not having someone to talk with about her issues....because she clearly never thought of you for that...Besides...she's got a best friend. Lots of nice chicks ahead in college just waiting to hook up with you anyways...
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Last edited by BuDo on Wed Dec 07, 2011 6:43 am, edited 2 times in total.
Not worth it. She has psychological issues and you might just be one of her rash decisions, which she now acknowledges as a mistake. Save yourself the trouble and just walk away from it. The girl doesn't even want you anymore and if by some chance you convince her to stay with you, she might hate you for it later and/or she'd go behind your back and have an affair with her ex anyway - who, need I remind you, is the father of her child (or so she says).
Squirt wrote:
1. What do I do? I like the girl but leaving her now because of this could make her emotionally unstable. 2. Do I confront her and tell her I know? 3. Do I let her go back to her old BF?
1 - Leave. Bending over backwards out of pity does not help the other person in the long run. Not doing so leads to dependency (or is it co-dependency?). If anything, leaving might be just what she needs.
2 - Confront is not the word. Let her know you're aware, plain and simple and tell her what's going to happen next. Whatever you tell her, do it. Then you can start to talk over what happens next.
3 - You can't "let her go back" because that decision is not yours to make. I'd do some introspection if I were you.
Joined: Aug 2006 Posts: 8834 Location: Age of Wushu
Toshiharu wrote:
..well maybe not nuclearsilo
lol
Anyway, don't walk away just like that. Have a talk and say goodbye at least once. There are situation in life that put people together and make them become best (and real) friends. You can choose to be a special guy for her or just a normal guy, like everyone else.
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