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A man and a wife have s x on a chair, chair breaks, wife say arent u gona fix the chair? man says do i look like an engineer?i gota go to work. Man on his way out of the car, one of the car light is broken, the wife is like are u gona fix the light? the man says do i look like an electrician? man gos to work. The man gets home and sees the chair fix, and the other car light fix, he ask the wife how u fix this? The wife says the niehgboor did it, the neighboor said he would do it for pie or s x. The man said, so what pie did u cooked him? the wife says do i look like a cook to u?

Heres a nother one,
3 ppl stuck in the desrt, a black guy, a white guy, and a spanish guy. Black guy goes out to find water, white guy go out to find food, and spanish guy go out to find civilization. Black guy comes back with water, white guy comes back with some food, and the spanish guy comes back with a car door. The black guy said wtf u bring back a car door for, Spanish guy said to roll down the window when it gets hot

another one
Black,white and spanish guy goes to h3ll, the devil ask why u think u went to hell to black guy, black guy said because he drank to much. Devil ask white guy sasme qustion, white guy said because i cheated on to many girls, and he ask the spanish guy, he said i did to much drugs. So devil put black guy in a room with lots of "drinks". devil put white guy in room wit lots of girls he chtead on, and puts spanish guy into room wit lots of drugs. Years later, devil goes into room wit blackguy, which he sees that ther was lots of vomit and black guy looks sick. Devil ask black guy what did u learn? black guy said to never drink again because it makes me sick. Devil then went to white guys room, sees the white guy got beaten up by girls, ask white guy what did u learn, white guy saids to never cheat again. Then devil goes to spanish guy room with all the drugs UNTOUCHED, devil ask uhhhhhhh whaht did u learn? The spanish guy was crying and said, I Learned to always bring a lighter with me.

these are just some jokes in my head, post some of ur own funny jokes

the car door joke, i saw it before, but it was those blond joke version.

A research worker, conducting a sex survey, phoned one of the husbands whose completed form was spread out before him.
"Mr Pullman, there seems to be some discrepancies between the answers of you and your wife to the same question. For example, under 'Frequency of Intercourse' you wrote 'Three times a week' and your wife 'Three times a night'."
"Well, that's right," replied the husband, "but that's only until we have paid off the mortgage on the house."

i got 1 what do u call a mexican without a lawn mower......unemployed

i found it funny cuz im in australia

these made me lol thanks...

Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bit**."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bit**?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BIT**!!!"


mods please remove this if it is in violation i tried to clean it up

LOL!!
here i got one ,ill try to keep it as clean aswell
The BarMans Challange!


a guy walks down a street and see a big flyer with the words



"The Barmans Challange"

"Win $500,000"

"At the Nags Head"


Seeing this the guy runs off to the pub.

Inside he see's the barman

he asks if the challange is true and the tender says yes of course.

"The challange is too"

"Drink 20 pints"

After that go down stairs and take the bad tooth from my dogs mouth



Then go upstairs and **** the old landlady till she comes

So with this in mind the guy starts drinking the pints,


1 down

2 down

3,4,5,6

on the 7th pint he really is struggling but carries on


8,9,10,11,12

He struggling to stand up and the rooms spinning

13,14,15,16


This is more than he has ever drank in his life

17,18,19,20

He drank the lots he then ask "whersh isph ber dog"

The barman points down a flight of stairs.

The drunk guy now staggers down the stairs and then all you hear is massive amount of barking and screams of sheer pain from the drunken guy.

Some time passes then he craws back up the sairs covered in blood and bruses and his cloths are ripped to shreads.

He then says


"Right time for the landladies bad tooth"

ok here is another good one

gy walks into a 10 story bar sits down orders a shot takes it then jumps out the window

same guy walks right back into the bar un harmed and does the same thing a few more times

by the 4th time he has everyone's in the bar attention he takes the shot then jumps out the window

all the guys in the bar decide if he does this a fifth time they all were going to try it

the guy takes his fifth shot then jumps out the window

all the guys in the bar then order a shot

at this time the bartender picks up the phone and calls the athourities
"can you send someone down here superman is messin with the customers again"

lol that ones good

Yah i realy loled.....Lol
I know...But lol AIDS.....

ahahaha, nice, very nice.

not really a joke but you will lol at the nine things i hate about everyone


1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Darn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No, dummy, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the darn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". Life is the longest daar thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dummy?